vrarsh
When you walk on forward and not turn back,
and you are unsure of the steps and the future,
wishing you could just retreat and take a few steps back,
is it faith?
or is it blind courage?
If you turn your head backwards,
hoping to see,
glimpses of past,
wishing it will resurface,
instead you see darkness,
and potholes on the path,
looking front, its no difference,
but one is just a mirage,
another is a reflection,
Do you rely on your knowledge,
or do you surrender?
so what works where?
blind faith and courage,
surrender and knowledge,
will you ever know?
even if you try and fail,
will you ever realize,
is it something you can ever realize?
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vrarsh
Life has been quite a roller coaster recently. Things are going way out of hand, but maybe this time i should just go with the flow.
I was very confused recently, regarding my decisions in life and a good friend told me this " to think back some day in the future, when im happy n worryless, about the choices i had to make. The 1st thing that comes to my mind will be the one which will make me happy".. I should try that out. I will, some day in the near future.
I am growing day by day. Classes are so un-class like. We have to revise every single theory and piece of knowledge that we learnt in undergrad. And to top it up, now we have to memorize all the sypmtoms and learn how to diagnose and figure out what to help and how. Its so sad that so many people don't even understand what is psychology and what a clinical psychologist does. And the worst part is the whole stigma and prejudice not only on people who have mental disorders but also children who are slow learners, or transexuals and such.
I am not perfect. I get pissed and mad with people too, especially if they test my patience. But this was plain stupid. The police arrested a whole bunch of transexuals because the had a pageant in Kelantan. And the news caster called them "Pondan" aka faggot.. Thats just stupid. Why on earth was she being biased and prejudice. Its not like they want to be like that right? Who on earth would choose to be someone like that. They are born that way and they have to make do with what they are. Who are we to label and judge people who aren't like us? We call ourselves normal but we behave in such a degrading manner. Anyone with any sort of mental problem is immediately labelled as a psycho. Any child who is a lil slow is called stupid!
Shouldn't we all realise we are nothing and no one to label others? We who are able, should accept them and care for them. Or else whats the big fat difference between us and them or us and animals?
Think.!!
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vrarsh
monday mornings :) a cup of coffee.. some biscuits.. hmm.. perfect isn't its well i guess its all more perfect thanks to my classes which only starts at 2 :) yippie no waking up at 6 plus and taking the bus.
i am still bunking in with my sister and she doesn't have Internet connection so, unless I can hijack a wireless from the someone in the building.. tee hee.. but yeah life goes on. Its going to be the third week of class. Classes are getting tougher. I really need to buck up, and read up on every single theory and topic that we studied in undergrad. And thats really a lot. My coursemates are such darlings. All ten of us are girls, and yes not a single boy. Lecturers are real good, they really try to make you understand what the topic is about and how we can practice it.. I need to get going.. coffee is awaiting.. :)
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vrarsh
Its been a week since I started classes in Masters of Clinical Psychology, and oh boy, it is so ever different from Undergrad studies. Totally different as actually an understatement. There are 10 of us now, all girls ( yep, the female species is so much more smarter) ahah.. I am being a feminist here :) A guy was supposed to enter, but he is awaiting his offer letter, thus soon enough it will be a guy and 10 girls. A variety of us to bully him, you think? Lecturers are nice, some more than the other. Im taking 6 subjects this semester, and 5 next. The next year will be practicals in hospitals under our own supervisors or external supervisors if we apply to a different country or state. I was initially planning on doing so, but I found out that if I were to apply say to NZ/ AUS for my practical, I have to search for a supervisor from an uni there and my uni has to certify that he is well and able to supervise and I have to pay him to supervise me. And this can actually rise up to a quite a large some of cash, perhaps either paying him by hour or semester. Thus, now I am actually wondering if i should just stay here.
Most of my classmates are older than me, most had worked before, either in the psy. department or area or just any other corporate arena. I am only one who is a fresh graduate and I am really blessed and thankful I made it to the course. It is seriously difficult to get into, and Thanks swami for giving me this opportunity to learn so much and help the people out there. Even in the 1st week, we has already commenced with lessons and assignments and it is so tiring. I am still getting use to the commuting and still am searching for a place to stay. Found a room recently but the owner gave it away to someone else in a matter of hours before me. But nevermind, I am sure Swami has His plans and He will find a proper place for me to stay. (You better do Swami).. hehe
I came back home, to Ipoh. Yeah I know! I just went last week, but commitments to family, more precisely sister dragged me home. And I'm leaving today in a couple of hours to go back to KL. haih. Tiring isn't? And tomorrow, there is a session on inner cleansing by Un. Vasu in SS3. Compulsory attendance for all Sai TY coordinators and the Nat team. Which reminds me, I still haven't completed the module we were supposed to do and pass up in May. Its absout inner peace and I am totally lost and stuck. Do I write a module on how do you get peace? Is it through love? or by controlling your senses? I don't know! haih.. Kuna akKA is so going to kill me. Well gotta run and grab some lunch..
will update soon. No internet connection is sis's place or the uni, so once I get my room I will be posting much more often.
vrarsh
I removed the original post.. Ask me if u want to read it. Am letting go but am not ready to think and analyze it. Maybe I dont even have to.
vrarsh
I miss you like how a child misses a playground
its a part of him,
the swings and the sandbox,
and he cries on rainy days,
not being able to play.
to jump around and slide,
in puddles and from trees,
You will be a part of me,
and I will always love you,
just like how i miss a candy-cane,
or like how i miss climbing trees,
i know the longing will disappear
soon there won't be sadness or pain,
i won't long for a playground anymore,
I have grown,
but you will always be a part of me,
for which child grew without a playground
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