i have been busy.. classes everyday n all.. no time for anything.. so stressed out that i got another cold sore.. damn.. i need to learn to apply all the relaxation techniques i learned on myself..:)) had an exam today. The questions that were asked had nothing to do with what we were told or advised on. So I am sure you will understand our frustrations. Plus, on top of that, the lecturer had the nerve of smirking through out the whole exams, just because he knew we didnt like him at all, and thought the worst of him. It is true anyway. Alright, enough of that.

I like it now, life seems ok. "I know its tough but I have to do this for our future. Me and you." Its hard of course, who ever said it wasn't. But in life we learn, through pain and happiness, its just a cycle. Wheel of life.. How Buddhist is this? I don't think I have the liberty of coming online so often anymore and writing this. I almost feel guilty doing this. Well, will try to update the blog as often as i can.. :))

Have a good Weekend..

Its been a hectic week, tiring weekend, and pleasant day. Actually not so much of the day being pleasant. It was fine. Just plain fine. My convocation was on Monday :) yep big smiles. I am officially done with my degree. I wasn't feeling excited or even deliriously happy regarding my graduation. Perhaps its because I am still studying, still lugging my bad across KL, still walking here and there and getting dark, and perhaps, because I am still going to classes, and have tonnes of assignments due!! But then, I actually started getting nervous, and had tiny-weeny butterflies in my stomach on Monday :).. Actually that was probably cause I was pissed and nervous since the Uni forgot to attach my parents' entrance pass in the bag with my robe. Had to go early and get them and it was a dreadfully hot day. Was ALREADY sweating pails by the time I entered the hall for the ceremony. Anyway, it was really fun, getting to meet up with old friends, took a lot of photos :) will post in my Facebook account.. hehe.. And when to the studio to take a couple of shots with the family..

Dad couldn't make it though and I didnt feel the need to invite so many people, mainly because I was still studying. Lets just hope I will be able to graduate this time too, haihh... Course is getting difficult, Im getting lost and blur. The mountain of assignments seem to be ever rising, and guess what?? My theses proposal is due in 2 weeks time, and I don't even have a topic yet.. arghh.. Seriously, things just dun seem to get better at all..What law was it again? Murphy's Law I think. Saying something like, if there are chances for something to go wrong, everything else will be going wrong. I don't know exactly.:)

But then again, its not like I don't like my course or I'm complaining about it, I am just a lil stressed if I will be able to handle all these assignments and workload.. I sure hope I do.. I cant afford to screw up this.. Pray for me...

argghhhh...
stupid stupid guy... I went for a haircut.. In a saloon in Sg Wang..
He chopped off my fringe... I didnt ask to look like a japanese doll..
Noooo... Its horrible, horrifyin, terrifying..

haihhhh... I have to just wait for it to grow out..

I saw this message on someone's shoutout and I think it hit home.
"Love the heart that hurts you and never hurt the heart that loves you".
I thought that if you push yourself away from the problem, or pain, it won't be able to hurt you. Little did I realise, it doesn't matter how far you try to go, it will still sneak up behind you and hurt you anyways.

So there is this person, A, who wasn't very kind to me and owes me something, and I decided that its time to ask back for it. But apparently that person then said some mean things about me just becaused I asked for it back. And started ignoring every call or message. I was upset, because I wasn't what A claimed I was. Then it dawned on me. It will be painful, it will be hurting if I allow it to hurt me.

As my lecturer Dr Alvin had always said, a problem will only be a problem if you think its a problem. Thus, hmm. if A doesn't want to give it back, no problems. I will assume and change the way i react and assume the situation. Take it as I donated all those to A. It won't change me. .


That said and done, I am glad I got into the Master's program. Its probably one of my greatest accomplishment so far. Out of 70 plus only 11 of us are in the course. That isn't why Im gloating about it. I am happy because Im actually getting to understand myself. Why I am the way I am and how I respond in relation to others, family, and friends. I can now identify what went wrong were and how I can now change somethings that I wasn't happy about...

I may not be perfect. There are are a lot of parts of me that I need to work on and change. But so what. Who's perfect?? I am happy being me. Thats why I am me!
And for you, A, you know who you are. If you think I am what you said I am, so be it. If you decide to ignore my messages and pretend I don't exist anymore, so be it. Keep it.. I forgive you anyway..

Life is liberating once you learn to step back and breathe and not bother about what others think about you.. Thats my motto now :))

When you walk on forward and not turn back,
and you are unsure of the steps and the future,
wishing you could just retreat and take a few steps back,
is it faith?
or is it blind courage?

If you turn your head backwards,
hoping to see,
glimpses of past,
wishing it will resurface,
instead you see darkness,
and potholes on the path,
looking front, its no difference,
but one is just a mirage,
another is a reflection,
Do you rely on your knowledge,
or do you surrender?

so what works where?
blind faith and courage,
surrender and knowledge,
will you ever know?
even if you try and fail,
will you ever realize,
is it something you can ever realize?

Life has been quite a roller coaster recently. Things are going way out of hand, but maybe this time i should just go with the flow.
I was very confused recently, regarding my decisions in life and a good friend told me this " to think back some day in the future, when im happy n worryless, about the choices i had to make. The 1st thing that comes to my mind will be the one which will make me happy".. I should try that out. I will, some day in the near future.

I am growing day by day. Classes are so un-class like. We have to revise every single theory and piece of knowledge that we learnt in undergrad. And to top it up, now we have to memorize all the sypmtoms and learn how to diagnose and figure out what to help and how. Its so sad that so many people don't even understand what is psychology and what a clinical psychologist does. And the worst part is the whole stigma and prejudice not only on people who have mental disorders but also children who are slow learners, or transexuals and such.

I am not perfect. I get pissed and mad with people too, especially if they test my patience. But this was plain stupid. The police arrested a whole bunch of transexuals because the had a pageant in Kelantan. And the news caster called them "Pondan" aka faggot.. Thats just stupid. Why on earth was she being biased and prejudice. Its not like they want to be like that right? Who on earth would choose to be someone like that. They are born that way and they have to make do with what they are. Who are we to label and judge people who aren't like us? We call ourselves normal but we behave in such a degrading manner. Anyone with any sort of mental problem is immediately labelled as a psycho. Any child who is a lil slow is called stupid!

Shouldn't we all realise we are nothing and no one to label others? We who are able, should accept them and care for them. Or else whats the big fat difference between us and them or us and animals?

Think.!!

monday mornings :) a cup of coffee.. some biscuits.. hmm.. perfect isn't its well i guess its all more perfect thanks to my classes which only starts at 2 :) yippie no waking up at 6 plus and taking the bus.

i am still bunking in with my sister and she doesn't have Internet connection so, unless I can hijack a wireless from the someone in the building.. tee hee.. but yeah life goes on. Its going to be the third week of class. Classes are getting tougher. I really need to buck up, and read up on every single theory and topic that we studied in undergrad. And thats really a lot. My coursemates are such darlings. All ten of us are girls, and yes not a single boy. Lecturers are real good, they really try to make you understand what the topic is about and how we can practice it.. I need to get going.. coffee is awaiting.. :)

I came back home, to Ipoh. Yeah I know! I just went last week, but commitments to family, more precisely sister dragged me home. And I'm leaving today in a couple of hours to go back to KL. haih. Tiring isn't? And tomorrow, there is a session on inner cleansing by Un. Vasu in SS3. Compulsory attendance for all Sai TY coordinators and the Nat team. Which reminds me, I still haven't completed the module we were supposed to do and pass up in May. Its absout inner peace and I am totally lost and stuck. Do I write a module on how do you get peace? Is it through love? or by controlling your senses? I don't know! haih.. Kuna akKA is so going to kill me. Well gotta run and grab some lunch..
will update soon. No internet connection is sis's place or the uni, so once I get my room I will be posting much more often.

I removed the original post.. Ask me if u want to read it. Am letting go but am not ready to think and analyze it. Maybe I dont even have to.

I miss you like how a child misses a playground
its a part of him,
the swings and the sandbox,
and he cries on rainy days,
not being able to play.
to jump around and slide,
in puddles and from trees,
You will be a part of me,
and I will always love you,
just like how i miss a candy-cane,
or like how i miss climbing trees,
i know the longing will disappear
soon there won't be sadness or pain,
i won't long for a playground anymore,
I have grown,
but you will always be a part of me,
for which child grew without a playground

i went on a movie spree.. haha.. yes i'm that free. I came down to KL for my orientation n yes my uni is in CHOW KIT. I know!! of all places Chow Kit..aduhh... That isnt a good area at all.. Picture this.. Im sitting in the monorail. Time= 8.30 am. The train is full to the core, full of corporate figures, chasing down hard earned cash and they start dispersing out one by one station. (Oh Chow kit is the 2nd last station in the monorail line). So there i am sitting, people watching and slowly the crowd thins out. And finally when i reach Chow kit, not a single corporate figure goes out with me. NIL.. The only kinda people who accompanied me out were aliens.. haha.. or immigrants.. Im not being racist or prejudice here. All i am saying is that, Chow kit is such an area. U know, the kind full of anyone but A Malaysian..

Went to an unevenful orientation. There are only 7 of us in my course, and I m pretty sure there r only like 1/2 guys.. Sad case ha.. And apparently next year, they wont be opening up masters in clinical psy because they have to review the program. Thus i think im pretty blessed to have gotten it this year. And it also seems from the 70 + who applied, 20+got an interview and we r cream of the crop here.. haha.. yes yes im being boastful.. ah.. who cares.. hehe

met a very nice coursemate, she is nice.. sweet.. will be known hereon as Ms. Directionally Challenged.. haha..No seriously, she says she is. I have yet to test her claims.. might be moving wid her though.. and my class starts soon

I WATCHED HULK (rating 2/10) and MADE OF HONOR ( rating 100/10) ahhhhh.. swoons.. mc dreamy is so so so dreamable.. he is ahh.. drools... haha.. seriously.. cuteness to the max!! im sure all you girls will agree.. please go watch the movie.. its the same old story but then, its just refreshing at the same time..great humor actually,.. Me and Darshie (my date for the day), we were laughing our heads off.. Sadly we were the only two who were laughing.. The rest them must be extremely slow not to get the jokes...

photos... ahh.. yeah. soon soon.. hehe

its been a long time since i last posted a proper post..I had a thoroughly eventful month.. I came back Ipoh last month?? Somewhere in the middle of the month, whereby I was busy preparing for my sis's wedding. Yes yes.. photos.. I never seem to find the proper time to upload.. Its not that I dont want to, but it just so happens that everytime i try to upload, my pc starts giving problems, slows down, almost as if its sulking and what not.. gosh..Pcs' r definitely from the male specimen..haha..

So yeah i will upload soon enough, once I get a proper net connection, probably after im back to kl. I am going to be staying with my sister and commuting all the way to the Uni.. Its pretty far, and I m afraid I might get a lil claustrophobic, since we r going to be sharing a room, n just a room, no hall to prance around.. no kitchen to steal food from.. oh boy.. tough life..

anyway, since its the busy time of the month, weddings almost every weekend, i Have been busy.. going here n there.. And definitely not HIBERNATING like what some people claim.. (haha its good he doenst read my blog..)

I went back to penang..my hometown.. Its hard to describe my emotions, entering penang again.. I was born in penang, but we moved to kUAntan when i was 7 then later to ipoh when i was 16. Nevertheless, we always made a yearly trip back to Penang, visiting relations n friends, and I can tell you this, You will never get bored of penang.. Sitting in the bus, looking down the window, looking at the multi-shades of the sea,, and each and every little hawker stalls, admist big tall condo's and apartments..

n so we went, stayed in the bride's house.. she wasnt there, she was in her parent's house so we had the apartment to ourselves,. They had this pre-wedding night, where it was all dance and fun, which we helped to organize. Basically organising on how to bully the groom. And the groom and the bride loooked so good together. They looked so in love, that you can't help feeling happy for them and probably praying so u get someone like that too..:)) haha..

the wedding was beautiful, the deco was awesome and yes i being me, forgot to bring along a camera.. hey i was rushing and i thought my sis would have brought but she didnt. anyway will try to get the photos from a friend and upload once i have them. Then we went to "Spotlight"'s house and had tea there and we came back home.. ahh... Penang..

now i know what was the emotion that flooded me as i stepped into penang,, it was relief, happiness, joy of just being back HOME..

a thousand apologies for the late late post..

as you guys know, my 1st sis got married last weekend..The wedding was a beautiful affair.. and Dinner was equally fun and exciting.. cant post up photos from the wedding since the camera battery died and thus have to rely on shots by the cameraman who was hired for the wedding.. so hmm where shall i begin

the couple both met online, through a mutual friend almost 5 years ago, and after some turmoil and trouble, both family accepted their love and they decided to tie the knot.. simple. haha.. the wedding was in Teluk Intan, that is a small town, along the coastal road of Perak, Malaysia.. Better known for its local version of the leaning tower. Havent seen it though.. Anyway, here is the best part.. There were no I repeat not 1 good looking fella in the wedding.. Sad i Know.. Where have they all gone too?? haha.. no biggie..

the sad thing was, the wedding seemed surreal, almost like it was some other person's wedding and not my elder sis, since my second sis, who is her twin, she couldnt watch the wedding. confused?? Right. I have two elder sisters. They are twins. The 1st twin got hitched. The second twin, due to some silly customs of the groom , wasn't allowed to watch the tying the knot (taalli) process less her marriage gets affected or she won't be able to get married and some hocus pocus of that sort... YEAH I KNOW... 21 st century and this?? haihs.. sad.. yeah but so we were sitting at the back, just watching from a far.. Not that we could see the ceremony since the whole place was pretty much crowded.. No.. I was allowed to watch and partake in the ceremony. But it felt really bad to let my sis sit all alone at the back, especially since they grew up together and did everything together and imagine not being able to be there next to your twin..

anyway.. will write more soon.. am going out with mommy.. prob to shop n a movie perhaps.. hang on.. i promise i will post up pics soon.. .. meanwhile.. this r from the ceremonies before the wedding..



aww... sweet huh//

oh boy....

it has been a helluva busy time.. 1st was langkawi, which was a real blast..
camp was really nice, and fun.. And according to the teens, that was the best camp ever! And i agree! we had games, went on a boat ride, cleaned up islands, hmm.. really fun..
n ooh. there was a ghost outside the center.. No i am not kidding. I t seems, according to the center chairman, there is highly developed spirit living outside the center, near this cabin sorta thing.. And it makes noise.. In a high squeaky voice, but you can actually distinguish some words being said. And it only makes this nose late night or early morning. Initially the sis who heard it 1st thought there were some geese or duck stuck in the cabin, and thus she asked the chairman about the noise and thats when he told its actually a spirit and its attracted to the center because of the high vibration and all.. and the rest of heard it the next day during our post-portem meeting and also in the morning around 5 plus am..

To be frank, I wasnt disturbed or afraid. It didnt seem sinister, or elude the negative vibration n all.. I t just seemed to be some sorta soul stuck in some parallel universe.. anyway,,, the next day we went on a boat ride to clean some islands around langkawi together with workers from Majlis Bandaran Langkawi, and Jabatan Alam Sekitar. We were separated into groups and ventured into diff islands.. The one I went to was, Teluk Cina Mati (The dead chinese Gulf ???) haha funny name right. God knows how it came about. The islands were filthy. Full of rubbish, slippers, bottles, Styrofoams.. sad state of affairs.. journey back from langkawi was a big tiring thing. Traffic was so heavy n it tool almost 8 hours plus from kuala perlis to ipoh.. that almost the longest bus ride ever!

and now back at home, busy wid sis's wedding.. all the ceremonies, and in midst of cleaning up, trying on saree blouses. The only thing is, its a School holiday yet none of my relations are down except for my grandma. Seriously..there's no noise, no happening songs, Its the 1st wedding of the family and yet no1 is here. I really dont understand ahy are ppl so not bothered!! wth ryt.. nvm..

Its just like in mahabharatha, where the pandavas, had themselves n krishna wid them, n the kauravas had a 100 cousins n yet they lost..

Please bear with me for this two weeks.
Am really busy with wedding preparation.. Just painted sister's room and now painting dad's room.. n soon mine. And will be going to Langkawi on Friday early morning and back only on Sunday. Then the whole week will be full of wedding functions. Its an Indian wedding, too many rituals and functions. And when its all over, I will post and upload photos.. okay?? huggs

p.s: if i can sneak in time ( given the net connection is good, then i will update asap..)

argh..

Net at home is slow,
the pc is lagging
time crawls..
I cant upload my latest hair pics thanks to this. I don't know whats wrong with this stupid streamyx.

but anyway, (happy happy grins).. I am going to Langkawi next weekend. We are having a camp for the teens and its going to be such fun. I cant wait.

Which reminds me that i should probably start explaining bout my other life.. My super-hero, alter-ego life.. muahaha

nay.. nothing much la.. Am just very much involved with a Ngo, that helps to promote human values and instill good character in them. No, I ain't no perfect person. But i guess we all grow and learn in the same manner right. I cant tell them to do things I don't do or believe in. Or else all I will be is just a hypocrite.

Im pretty busy at home, doing nothing in particular. Breakfast, and clean out the house.. removing old cupboards.. n papers..

Its so easy to keep everything people give, especially for my dad.. He is totally A collector. Whatever we throw, he will be like " Why are throwing this away????? (NAG NAG NAG) and starts all over again with another item in the box.. Haihh

**tension-fying.. my msn keeps getting disconnected.. (curses streamyx..totally useless....pay dunno for wat.. this kinda service they providing..)

update !!

I re-did my hair.. She toned down my highlights and now it looks just nice..
Yippie..

photos to uploaded later..
Me needs to eat..

i was so very excited to go to the saloon, and I managed to get an appointment with this saloon in Old Town Ipoh. The hair stylist was recommended by my sisters, so I called him and did the necessary.

The day came, I asked for a highlight.. Didnt really see the colour chart as he said he will make it all very nice and make my curls look more defined yada yada.. But then since he was busy, this other girl came n did my hair. She was nice... Only thing is,, the colour was a little too bright. I look like a brown skunk according my younger sister.. the highlight is too much of a contrast with my dark hair and it makes me look pretty much culture shock.. n whats worst is that my dad, who's super Orthodox is gonna get a massive shock seeing my hair like this!! And he is due back tomorrow..

So what is one to do?? I called the stylist and told him he needed to tone it down for me..Appointment- tomorrow morning, before dad returns home..

haha.. this is what happens when u have an itchy bum (nope.. butt aint itchy.. just a literal translation for local slang..)

this is how it looks like now.. but then.. it doesnt look too bad on photo does it... hmpphh...

mc donalds recently came up with this new promotion for the big mac...

chanting the big mac chant under 4 mins and guess what u will win???




a rm 10000.. Thats rm10 k!!! Just for chanting a mantra under four minutes.. i mean, how hard can it be???

“Two All-Beef Patties,
Special Sauce, Lettuce,
Cheese, Pickles, Onions
On A Sesame Seed Bun!”

How It Works

Just take a video of yourself doing the Big Mac Chant and you just could be the winner of RM10,000!

Once you video-ed yourself doing the Big Mac Chant, upload it unto www.youtube.com and email the URL and your contact number to our friendly contest master at BigMacChant@nuffnang.com.

Title your email Big Mac Chant! Once our hardworking moderators look through your entry and verify that it does not contain any thing rude/ wrong (you have to get the chant right), we will link it up here and you will be in the running for yes, the BIG prize of RM10,000!

Contest is valid only until May 28 2008.

Judging Criteria

Entries are judged based on Creativity, Relevance Of Content (No paraphrasing the chant!) and Effort (AKA how much you impress us). Popular votes make up 40% of the judging scale, and McDonald’s® own panel of judges make up the other 60%.

How It Works
Just take a video of yourself doing the Big Mac Chant and you just could be the winner of RM10,000!

Once you video-ed yourself doing the Big Mac Chant, upload it unto www.youtube.com and email the URL and your contact number to our friendly contest master at BigMacChant@nuffnang.com.

Title your email Big Mac Chant! Once our hardworking moderators look through your entry and verify that it does not contain any thing rude/ wrong (you have to get the chant right), we will link it up here and you will be in the running for yes, the BIG prize of RM10,000!

Contest is valid only until May 28 2008.
Judging Criteria

Entries are judged based on Creativity, Relevance Of Content (No paraphrasing the chant!) and Effort (AKA how much you impress us). Popular votes make up 40% of the judging scale, and McDonald’s® own panel of judges make up the other 60%.



alas... whats the point when i dont eat beef.. cant they do with the Mc chicken instead??

“Two All-Chicken Patties,
tomato Sauce, Lettuce,
Cheese, pepper, Onions
On A Sesame Seed Bun!”


hehe.. when they have this, then I guess I will join..

I FELT MY 1ST QUAKE..

hehe.. yep.. my 1st ever earthquake. Was in my sis's apartments, and we sat watching "Dan in real life" (pretty funny in a real life way.. pardon the pun :)) anyway, and the chair started moving and shaking from left to right and and so at first I thought my sis was laughing a lil over excitedly until i realised she wasnt and we were indeed feeling the tremors.. And almost immediately, we took our important stuffs, thank god i just came for a day so i grabbed my bag and we ran down.. And slowly others started coming down too.. We werent sure if there had been another big quake, i mean its still not that long after the quake in china or could this possibly be another Tsunami,, Thoughts were running wild, tension was clear on everyone's face.. luckily, it stopped after a presumably an hour..

news excerpt

PETALING JAYA: Scores of people ran out of their apartments in many parts of the Klang Valley last night when they felt tremors following an earthquake measuring 6.1 on the Richter scale which occurred in northern Sumatra at 10.26pm.
Tremors were also felt in Klang and as far south as Malacca.
An aftershock was also felt at 10.49pm measuring 5.1 on the Richter scale.


it was a good experience tho.. hehe.. :)) so long as no one was hurt..